I look forward with childlike longing and wonder to a time in my life when I go a long stretch with no "goodbye" or "see you soon" or "I'll miss you" or "I'll be back soon" or "I don't want to go".
It just seems like all the things in my life that I love and treasure are only given to me in small doses...kind of like methadone is given to recovering heroin addicts: it's just enough to make you remember that you still want it more than anything! (Not that I put my family and loved ones in the same category as heroin, but you know what I mean.)
I hope that I don't get so used to leaving that I don't cry anymore when I have to go, or that I stop getting that little sting in my eye and ache in my chest that makes its way up my throat and makes me purse my lips. I hope that I NEVER get used to saying goodbye, so that when I don't have to say it anymore, I will cherish its absence every day until I have to say it again.
Maybe this is my Creator's way of grinding into this unbelievably thick skull of mine that I am incredibly lucky to be related to my relatives. I am a fern among giant redwoods...an ant among elephants...a single-celled organism among more complicated, multi-celled ones!! Ok, that's going a little far, but seriously, I think I am paying back all the teenage Karma that I so mercilessly flung at my parents during the 17th year of my life (I add a disclaimer of two years on either side of the year mentioned for any and all isolated incidents leading up to and following that memorable year.)
So, the end of all this rambling is that, yet again, I have said goodbye to my family. I'm so bad at it. I just hope that this familiar feeling becomes unfamiliar later in life. I don't think I can bear to see Mo Haddon get misty-eyed very many more times before I just say, "Screw it..I'm going home and I'm staying there!"
Well, I'm on the home-stretch now, the countdown, the last round, the light at the end of the tunnel is in view, the day is dawning, and all other cliches that relate to that concept. I will be back home soon!!
It just seems like all the things in my life that I love and treasure are only given to me in small doses...kind of like methadone is given to recovering heroin addicts: it's just enough to make you remember that you still want it more than anything! (Not that I put my family and loved ones in the same category as heroin, but you know what I mean.)
I hope that I don't get so used to leaving that I don't cry anymore when I have to go, or that I stop getting that little sting in my eye and ache in my chest that makes its way up my throat and makes me purse my lips. I hope that I NEVER get used to saying goodbye, so that when I don't have to say it anymore, I will cherish its absence every day until I have to say it again.
Maybe this is my Creator's way of grinding into this unbelievably thick skull of mine that I am incredibly lucky to be related to my relatives. I am a fern among giant redwoods...an ant among elephants...a single-celled organism among more complicated, multi-celled ones!! Ok, that's going a little far, but seriously, I think I am paying back all the teenage Karma that I so mercilessly flung at my parents during the 17th year of my life (I add a disclaimer of two years on either side of the year mentioned for any and all isolated incidents leading up to and following that memorable year.)
So, the end of all this rambling is that, yet again, I have said goodbye to my family. I'm so bad at it. I just hope that this familiar feeling becomes unfamiliar later in life. I don't think I can bear to see Mo Haddon get misty-eyed very many more times before I just say, "Screw it..I'm going home and I'm staying there!"
Well, I'm on the home-stretch now, the countdown, the last round, the light at the end of the tunnel is in view, the day is dawning, and all other cliches that relate to that concept. I will be back home soon!!
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